Mother's Day Never Again The Same!

Today is a Day that Mom's and those in Mommy roles are showed how much they are appreciated and Loved! I'm a mother and my four year old son who is just coming to the realization of what Mother's Day is keeps asking me what I want. I tell him whatever he gives me; I'll love it because it came from him. Truth is there is one thing that I do want, unfortunately he can't get it.

I WANT MY MOM BACK!

This is the first Mother's Day without my mom who past away almost 7 months ago. Doesn't seem like it’s been that long and its definitely not any easier today than it was then. I still can't believe she isn’t here. I feel like she's just gone away and one day she'll be walking through the door again. And I'll run and grab her (gently she was a frail woman) and hold her tight. I know that is far from the truth but I haven't fully accepted the fact that I'll Never see her again.

My mother suffered from Cancer. It was a rare form and I had never heard tell of it until it attacked my mom's body. It happened so fast and the doctors gave her 3 month to live. I was only 18years old at that time and I don’t know if I had that much Faith in God or if I was in denial whatever the reason, I'm glad that I BELIEVED. My mom beat the odds and lived and recovered. She went on to live her life to the fullest. Getting her degree in Early Childhood Education, starting her own Daycare Center and doing all the things her heart desired. Most importantly she served GOD with all her might and all her strength. Without him she wouldn't have been here in the first place. My mom was raised in the church and so she raised us in the church. I think that out of all she did for her family keeping us in church was absolutely the best thing she ever did for us. Now that she is gone her scolding and teachings that we rejected as children come back to me and I appreciate them now. Me and my sibling are better people beacuse she didn't cut any corners. The church and having salvation was embedded in us, so that is who we are today.  I see that a lot of things that I thought were important, were actually very trivial. I see the big picture now! I understand why she was so faithful in church, I understand why she was so hard on me and my siblings, I understand why she studied and prayed so hard.

This world is not our home, just a dressing room. Get ready to move to you new home!

Ten years past her "expiration date", according the doctors, and going back and forth to the doctors her health began to fail again and her cancer attacked like never before. Mom was tired! The doctors gave up again and sent her home one last time.

                                                         THIS TIME WAS NOT LIKE BEFORE!

The last 2 weeks of her life she was like a baby. We held her, bathed her, changed her, fed her, sung to her, read to her and LOVED her all we knew how.  Family and friends tried to encourage me by saying God did it before he can do it again. I already knew that.  What I wanted  was for someone to be real with me and say,"It is possible that she may be dying but be strong she lived a good life and she is in Gods hands".

I had been sleeping in a chair for the past 3-4 days by her side when my sister who lived out of town came home to be with us during this difficult time. She had no idea of what she was about to walk into. I'm sure she was in total disbelief when she saw mom. Last time she saw her she was talking and alert, now she's lying in the borrowed hospital bed in our family room, barely responding and barely moving. That night my sis decided she would sleep with my mom, so I got a chance to sleep in my bed. It was the best sleep I had in a long time. I woke up at about 6:30 a.m. First thing I did was go in to check on my mom and sister. But my sister was not around, instead there was my dad was standing over my mom with the phone to his ear and my cousin on the other side of the bed who was there to work in the daycare. I instantly knew what was going on. I walked out the room to go find my sis who I knew would be somewhere crying. I found her in her room lying on her bed face down, I crawled in with her and held her, saying nothing. Didn’t know what to say. Then the door bell rang, it was the ambulance. I let them in and showed them to my mom. All this happening within 15 minutes of me waking up, it was way TOO much to handle first thing in the morning. I went to my room for a minute to gather my thoughts and to get myself together. Wish I had've stayed in there a little longer, then I wouldn't have had to see the paramedics punching all over my mother trying to get a heartbeat. Her body already frail from the years of chemo and disease was being further damaged. I couldn't take it! I looked in the corner and there was my dad sitting on a stool and his head resting in his hands. Like he was deep in thought. I went over to him and put my arms around him and just begin to pray silently.

It was Unbelievable, It felt like a DREAM!

Long story short my mom past away October 12th 2010. The WORST day of my life! I've experienced death in my family before, but never like this. This was the person who brought me in this world, the person who still had some of my belongings from when I was just a little girl, the person who gave me a surprise sweet 16 birthday party, and taught me how to cook and take care of a home, and put me and the brother and sister through college and was there to hold my hand when I had my baby. This is the person who wanted nothing but the best for her family. Even though our relationship had our ups and downs, Im glad I was able to make a mends with her before it was too late! My brother once said that you know that you have a good parent when their gone and their still teaching you things. My mom is not here physically but she is here in me! I always felt that saying was so stupid. I thought is was just something people said when they didn’t have anything else to say to someone in mourning. But I found it to be so true! My mom IS Really in ME! Even though I can see her, touch her or speak to her. I can feel her!

If you still have your mother, LOVE her, APPRECIATE her and do all you can for her while she is still living. if your relationship with your parents isn't the best, FIX IT!  I'm glad that I had the time I did to spend with her in last days. Even though it was hard, there is no other place I would have rather have been but by her side. Me and my mom didn't say I love you a lot or hardly ever for that matter. But I KNOW she loved me and I know she Knew I loved her. We showed it through our actions. And that is worth more than a Million I Love you!

Happy Mother's Day Mommy!

From your oldest daughter,

 KK

Psalm 121 (King James Version)

 ¹I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.

 ²My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth.

 ³He will not suffer thy foot to be moved: he that keepeth thee will not slumber.

 ⁴Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.

 ⁵The LORD is thy keeper: the LORD is thy shade upon thy right hand.

 ⁶The sun shall not smite thee by day, nor the moon by night.

 ⁷The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul.

 ⁸The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore

NATURAL HAIR SHOW COVERAGE! April 30, 2011

Yes! I went, told yall I was going....LOL. It was great and I had a great time and I'm really looking forward to next year. I'm not going to do alot of talking because I made a video about my experience. My phone died as soon as I got to the venue so I dont have many pictures... :-( But I a few. CHeck out my video and you all take care!

KK

Talija Waajid's (Founder of the Hair Show) Booth. They have Great Products 

Guy playing the congo while some young ladies enter the hall doing a african dance!

The infamous Miss Jessies's Booth, it was like a club up in there...LOL

Hairstylist doing their thing in the Miss Jessies Booth!

My Friend and I on the plane on our way home!



WORLD NATURAL HAIR SHOW! APRIL 29 - MAY 1

So check this out, every year for the past 3 years I've been trying to get to ATL for this hair show. And every year I DO NOT attend. Why you ask! Well let me tell you why.....BECAUSE I'M LAME that's why. I keep depending on others to go with me and I get let down and then I don't go. But I have declared and decreed that this year I KK am going to Atlanta GA for the World Natural Hair, Health and Beauty Show. Even if (watch this) I have to go ALONE! yep I said it and I meant it.

I have rallied up a few gals but of course I don't have any concrete answers and the show is next week. So I have already prepared myself to purchase me a ticket and hotel accommodation have already been made so your gurl is gonna be outta here. Coming from a person who wont even go to dinner or the movies alone this is a GIANT step for me. And when I board my plane next fri/sat morning your girl will be doing my her lil victory dance.

I'm just excited to see all the hairstyles, hair shows (battles), check out the vendors and even hopefully run into some of my favorite YouTubers. (Yaaayyy) I love to meet people! I grew up with a Father that was military so we traveled all over the world and I must say I miss that life. It was hard moving every time I found friends but I got used to it. And now I'm itching to do some traveling. I plan on making ATL my first stop. NO I HAVEN'T been to Atlanta before. So you wait and see I'm taking my laptop and I'll be sure to do a blog entry from my hotel room talking about what a Glorious time I had in the "A". (tee hee hee)

Well that's all for now, Yall stay up and Be Blessed!
KK



For more info about the show click here  http://www.naturalhairshow.org/index.html

My Thirsty Roots!

I havent had a "perm" or "relaxer" since Oct of 2009. And I think my hair appreciates it. Not judging you if you relax your hair but I'm just saying for ME it was a great thing. I love the versatilty of my hair and my boo says its like he gets a new girl everyday!...teheehee! 

My sister who is 5 years younger than me was my inspiration. She went natural about 2 years prior. I saw how amazing her hair looked and how FAST it grew. So I said what the heck and transitioned from relaxed to natural for 4 months. Then one day I was in the bathroom and just took the scissors and started chopping! After I did it, I was instantly in a state of shock and disbelief at what I just did! But then it grew on me and I loved and embraced my new look. I hid it from some people for a minute for the fear of what they would say. Silly me!

Now 14 months later I'm happy as can be with  my new look and my new kinks. Even thought about sister locs but something about not being able to run a comb over my scalp makes me crindge. But I admit those locs be looking some kinda fierce!

Being natural can be a lot work if you wear a lot of protective styles (styles that keep your hands out of your hair). I mean, its definatley not like the days that you just take your silk scarf of in the a.m. and comb your hair down and go. Now I need to allow extra time everday to comb,brush, moisturize, assessorize, pin here and gel there. But the results are usually pleasing to the eye, at least it is to my eye..LOL

What do you think?

Put your Hands in the Hands of the Man..................

So kind of by default I have been self employed for the last 5 months doing childcare at home. Never in a millions years would I have thought I would be in this particular career field. It's going ok, I guess I cant compain. God has really been blessing me so far and I pray that he continues to do so. I'm learned how to trust in him and allow him to work things out for me. 

Although I'm enjoying this journey, I must admit............I miss getting up and putting on my suit and heels and going to my corporate job. I was a Convention Service Manager for a hotel. I loved working with different people coming from different places with different agendas. It was my job to pull it all together for them. I miss meeting so-to-be brides, sampling the lasted from our top vendors, lunch appointments and BEO's....LOL you have to be a hotelier to know what that is. I had been in the hotel biz for 10 yrs before the sudden change. Funny thing is at the time I THOUGHT I was ready for a change anyway, and was actually looking into a few options. But them my life took a 360 and here I am!

It's so funny how you spend so much time planning and thinking about what your next step is, only to get a slap in the face from reallity. This is why my faith in God is essential to EVERYTHING I do now. After all he is the only one who actually knows what's about to happen next. So why not trust him? Things that make you go hmmmmmmm???

Well the kiddies are asleep and I need to run out, so you all take care and be blessed!

Love

Special K